Random Thoughts from Random Nobody

1. Appearing as a guest on David Letterman. 2. How he looks in author photos on the back of his books. 3. Maintaining an Instagram page. (And which filter to put on a selfie.) 4. Hosting Saturday Night Live. 5. Getting too much plastic surgery and appearing on Botched. 6. His soul being captured in a photograph. 7. How he looks on Zoom meetings. 8. Pictures of him in blackface leaking. 9. Nudes of him leaking. 10. Whether he'll ever appear as the subject of a top ten list.

Mucho he viajado en los reinos de oro,     Y muchos un buen estado y reino visto;     Alrededor de muchas islas occidentales he estado Qué bardos en fidelidad sostienen a Apolo. A menudo de una amplia extensión me habían dicho     Ese Homero ceñudo gobernó como su dominio;     Sin embargo, nunca respiré su sereno puro Hasta que escuché a Chapman hablar en voz alta y intrépido : Entonces me sentí como un observador del cielo     Cuando un nuevo planeta nada en su conocimiento; O como el robusto Cortez cuando con ojos de águila     —Él y todos sus hombres miraban el Pacífico. Se miraron con una loca conjetura.     Silencioso en Darien, sobre un pico. Much have I travell'd in the realms of gold,     And many goodly states and kingdoms seen;     Round many western islands have I been Which bards in feal...

Here's my translation, with the help of Google Translate, of the first stanza of Alexander Pushkin's famous novel-in-verse, Eugene Onegin. “My uncle has the rules most honest; When he was seriously ill, He forced us to treat him most fondest, A plan thought up with utmost skill. His example is surely science; But, my God, to be in compliance With a patient, sit night and day Without leaving a step away! What low treachery to the rundown To amuse, to correct cushions For him, to bring medications Sadly, to sigh and think to oneself: ‘We know this is more than the flu, When will the devil come for you?’”

First, here's my, or should I say, Google Translate's translation of Clement Marot's poem, with my edits and revisions, "A une Damoyselle malade", originally written in French in 1537. My darling, I you bring A greeting; This staying in’s prison. Be healin’, Recover, Discover Outside world, Be unfurled Rapidly, ‘Cause Cody Mandates thee. Go, sweetie, Open mouth, Off the couch, There’s no doom, So consume A s oufflé ; If you stay Sick and frail A hue pale You will get, And forfeit The booty. God owes thee Good well-being, My darling. I'll let the strange grammar, diction and rhymes speak for themselves. Now here's the plain Google translation of the poem. (Keep in mind the date of this post, as the result will change over time as Google Translate improves.) My darling, I give you Hello; The stay It's prison. Healing Cover, Then open Your door And that we come out Quickly, Because Clement...