Top Ten Things Thomas Pynchon Doesn't Have to Worry About
1. Appearing as a guest on David Letterman. 2. How he looks in author photos on the back of his books. 3. Maintaining an Instagram page. (And which filter to put on a selfie.) 4. Hosting Saturday Night Live. 5. Getting too much plastic surgery and appearing on Botched. 6. His soul being captured in a photograph. 7. How he looks on Zoom meetings. 8. Pictures of him in blackface leaking. 9. Nudes of him leaking. 10. Whether he'll ever appear as the subject of a top ten list.